The other day I saw a quick clip of Jill Scott’s interview with Angie Martinez’s IRL podcast where she was highlighting the coming of her new album in February. This amazing expose was a riveting deep dive into Jill’s expansion after not releasing music for a decade, but, that is not what caught my interest. I keyed into her perspective on forgiveness that begged my attention. More than begged.
Tugged.
Jerked.
Arrested.
Interview Spot
Angie: Can people be redeemed to that level?
Jill: Not with me.
Angie: (laughter) I mean in life overall.
Jill: Not with me. I can forgive you from afar but I’m more likely to forget you than forgive you. No. You did that shit. You really tried to harm me. And that’s terrible. Who wants to hurt me? Word? You deserve every bit that’s coming your way. And it is. It is. It’s not a threat. It’s a fact. I come here to do no harm. I know that for sure.
You’ll need to background, so fuck with me a little on this and follow along. Over the last week, I’d had dreams about past relationships that had been painful for me, and, as a result, ended with no final words. These dreams bothered me because upon waking I remembered the look, feel, color, and scenarios of each one. In one dream I remember waking out of my sleep in the middle of the morning and shedding tears before falling back to sleep. There was a message, and I wracked my brain to figure out what it was.
For 2026, I’ve committed to journaling to allow my feelings to air and clear. The next day, I journaled through the dreams so far (I’d literally had four dreams, one per night), and I asked Spirit what this was all about. I got the Judgement card, and the particular interpretation I received from my deck was to focus on cleaning of the self from the situation. As I sat with it a bit further, I understood that forgiveness is not about healing or reconciling the relationship, per se. It is about making sure that the residual hubris derived from the hurt of the dissolved relationship is not sticking to your energy- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and eventually physically.
I was reared as a Christian, and with regards to forgiveness, it looked like you going to the person, talking it through, there may be tears while explaining all sides of the story. Afterwards you hug and cry some more and now you blink googly eyes every time you see each other, and you work really hard to keep that soft chewy center between you to maintain the relationship. Now, to be clear, I had to recognize that this mentality was from my teenage years, and in this big ole age of 51, shit don’t work like that now. In considering Jill’s statement, people really are seeking to harm you. People are not always rooting for you- they are intentional at hurting, offending, and looking out for their own interests- even if that means using you in the process. These relationships suck and leech off your kindness, leveraging the stance that you’ve given them in your life so that they can get everything they can from you. They become mean because they can. They dismiss you because it’s easy. They are inconsiderate because you’ve given them room. And they gaslight and justify their actions glazing it with denial if you were to ever to raise your truth of how you felt. It’s hard to look at the hurtful relationships in this stance. And yes, they can become remorseful afterwards. But do you have to forgive proverbially as it has been portrayed?
I will say right here and now, I do not have an answer or even recommendations for this as I am still developing how I will manage my approach to forgiveness in a way that feels spiritually sound for me. What I will say is that everything in me agreed with Jill Scott’s perspective. Forgiveness is a gift. Forgetfulness is an option that can lead to forgiveness or not. For me, based on Jill’s perspective, this is my breakdown on how I am going to deal with this topic:
Jill: I can forgive from afar
In the last five years my approach to healing has been distance. I’ve been reared and raised to white-knuckle into forgiveness by continually giving my effort and presence, as well as apologizing for…what? In this process I’m overcompensating for the other’s mishandling of the relationship and of me, ultimately. I am understanding that distancing myself gives the room for forgiveness to actually happen. I need time to process what actually happened and how all of it registered with me. I need space to see how I sanctioned and played into the situation’s birth, development, and dissolve. I am embracing distance, and if I never resurface, it’s my decision to make.
Jill: …more likely to forget you than forgive you
I have literally practiced the meditation of erasing a person from the very existence in my life. When someone comes up, I visualize a big eraser scraping and eradicating from the space held in my mental room. This is not mean. This is mental, emotional, and spiritual survival and self-care. I have found that if I am not able to handle the rise of the person and situation coming into my thoughts without triggering me into hours of rehearsing and going down the rabbit hole of hurtful memories, I will erase like they never happened. When I am in a space where I can handle where and how they were in my life, I deal with that incrementally where I can heal me and forgive them bit by bit.
Jill: No. You did that shit. You really tried to harm me. And that’s terrible.
I am always astounded when people try to gaslight me into thinking that they didn’t mean to do what they did. That shit is wild. I remember being in conversation where this person tried to tell me that if only I acted in a certain way they would’ve given me what I wanted- as if my tears pre-departure wasn’t enough to convince them to stay. I know there are two sides to a story, but let’s face, when people hurt you, disregard your boundaries, lie around your name and person, intentionally give into whatever opportunities offered to do the exact opposite of what you’ve been to them, this is a strategic act of war. Real talk, they had the opportunity to make another choice that aligned with who you are. And when it is strategic, the aim was to harm you. The hope was that you never found out. And that, is incomprehensible and inexcusable. This is the pain point, and if a person is not willing to hear you and the effect thereof, they are to be forever excommunicated from your life, energy, and presence. This is my stance. We cannot continue to excuse a lack of responsibility over the value of ourselves in relationship to others. The harm, disrespect, and humiliation was intentional. Period.
Jill: Who wants to hurt me? Word?
I’ve had people to hand me the “damsel in distress” and “martyr” speech when I lamented of the hurt done to me. This “get over it” mentality is for the fucking birds. I had a conversation with a friend of mine where they were literally glossing over the hurt they experienced from people who knew what they were doing. I grew so irritated as they tried to push it under the rug, with repeated assurances that they were okay. I had to stop them, as they tried to excuse these people who were wrong. This is not “godliness” this is some repressed wounded child mentality that we were forced to deal with and get with the program. This mentality is derived from our family members, namely our mothers and fathers that did not know what the hell they were doing in raising us- no blame. We then bring this into other relationships, and the issue is, it is no longer appropriate because, unlike when we were children, we are now in the space to manage our own lives, needs, and desires. When your heart and intentions are on being a good person, it is not appropriate for people to repeatedly hurt you and stay.
Let me say this for the people in the back: It is not appropriate for people to hurt you repeatedly and stay. And now, as a good person, you have the responsibility to protect that goodness. Even Jesus said that we do not spread pearls before swine because the pearls will only be trampled underfoot. You cannot continue to give your good self and stuff to people, situations, and environments that do not know good when they see it.
Jill: You deserve every bit that’s coming your way. And it is. It is. It’s not a threat. It’s a fact.
I remember talking to an ex-friend, and they actually said to me, “Let me apologize to you because I don’t want you doing any witchcraft against me”. What the entire fuck? I was so offended by the suggestion that this is something that I would resort to. And again, the gaslight was instead of admitting to the indiscretions done against me, it was easier to accuse me of working dark magic to trip them up. Let me say this: Be careful of engaging in spiritual systems that deal in readings and assemblies, it’s easy to blame someone else for the misfortune happening in your life. For one, a house against itself cannot stand. What does it profit me to do a work against you when we are in essence one body? That’s like cutting off my finger because I want a new one. When something is not quite aligning in my life I consider where I might be inconsistent with the advice my divinities and higher self has given me. I also observe where I might have hurt a person or disrupted in some way to cause an imbalance. The point being, start with you first. It is not always witchcraft or evil eye that is causing the issues in your life. Sometimes, and I would venture to say most time, it is a call to alignment that needs to happen to get you to where you have declared to God your desire to be.
Nutshell: When you do basic shit to people, basic shit returns…period. Witchcraft accusations are an easy way out, especially when you have been basic and below board. Be honest with yourself and make the corrections.
Jill: I come here to do no harm. I know that for sure.
I’ve had to face that I am not perfect, however, I also know that my intentions to people is to do nothing to hurt. I lead with seeking to help, enhance, uplift, and become a part of community and friendship with those I interact with. I know this like I know my name. As I grow older, I recognize that I have to lead with a watchful eye and caution to make sure that the investment of time, energy, attention, and intention are well-placed. I lament that I have not been responsible or a good steward of this gift. As of late my mother continues to remind me that what I possess in me as a person is a gift and it is rare. I want to encourage you that who you are is a gift, and it is your duty to safeguard this gift to be given to the right people, groups, and environments.
I am so grateful to Jill Scott for being brave enough to own this truth that helped me to key into my own. Real talk, I am no longer interested in forgiving. My focus is to take my time in clearing and cleansing the residual pain so that it does not affect what I am praying to the Divine and working with my higher self to actualize. So, if I need to forget and move on from a person, place, or thing to do so, I will do that.
My forgiveness is a gift and will happen incrementally, and that, will have to be sufficient.
No one is owed your forgiveness unless they are willing to pay the price of your value.