As I write this, I am watching “Girl’s Trip”. How appropriate.
This blog is about two months ahead of its time, but I am hoping that it will come back to your mind in February. And no, I am not saving it until then. Damn that. We only have today- so here we go.
Doom scrolling one day (come on we all do it until we slap ourselves on the wrist two hours later), I ran across a post where a Lucumi Priest, that I follow admiringly, spoke of the fact that the candles that she curates and creates for love work were not being purchased as much. She went on to ask are people no longer “cuffing” or believing in the ability to attract amazing, soul comforting love. Two days later with another doom scroll session, I ran into another post that’s aimed at getting people to actually date old school, you know, you see person of interest, they see you, there are smiles and speaking and exchanging numbers. The assignment was to go to a coffee house with a book only and just sit and be- no phone, no computer, just a book. The point of the post was to expect that an attraction could happen, sparking possible love.
In considering the post of the Lucumi Priest, I was unnerved by her short and very real probing. She spoke of how she did the necessary spiritual work within the faith to attract her husband. I was intrigued by this idea (and yes, I said idea) because it has never occurred to me to do this kind of work for myself, priest that I am, maybe because it’s not been modeled to be a favorable use of spiritual time and investment. On top of this, Love has become a very sticky subject for me personally, because there is work required, really required, to attract, hold, take care of, and scale love. I am guilty of dismissing the idea of love- to the point that I’ll embrace keeping a situationship because it’s easier- right? You can walk away. You can treat it casually. You can distance yourself to keep it emotionally manageable. When you feel emotions edging on the sides, like a knife at the neck, it’s easy to cut, flinging them against the wall, hard, until they deaden from the impact. Quickly you fill up on all the popular memes and sayings we have come to embrace: “I’m catching flights, not feelings”. Or how about, “when he saw me last, he said Mrs. and I said, no “Doctor”. You know the ones. And we spiritual people got our oils, washes, baths, sprays, crystals, mojos, amulets or just plain-ass bad attitudes against the idea of this very life affirming occurrence if one cares to have it in their lives. I have to add this, because I have met a lot of women that have decided that love was not for them, accepting the idea they will never experience this event in their lives. I remember having a conversation with an acquaintance of mine who confirmed this fact. Though love makes me arch my back like a cat thrown in a shower’s downpour, the idea that I would not attract love still doesn’t feel right for me to accept.
Looking at both posts, I had to acknowledge my actions that, in essence, pushes love possibilities away energetically. I know how to do my own spiritual work, but chile you can’t get me to say any prayers or do an iota of spiritual work around love- I mean…not none. I am a person that believes in journaling and the healing power thereof, but to get me to journal around the pained face that love has seemingly shown me, it’s instant cringe and run. Love has proven sticky and inky. It clings to other relationships and feelings that are hard for me to face- because what often comes up is not the shit of the other person, it’s the thoughts and inconsideration I had of myself in the process.
I also had to consider my energy when I go out into the world. I may have a furrowed brow. I may be walking past a man, and he will look me dead in my face, ready to speak. We meet eyes, I blink, and walk on by. One day I was in the grocery store and there was a man that was handsome and shopping. Everywhere I went, there he was in the same aisle, oddly. We were in the spice aisle, and were comfortably close- you know how the spice aisle will have you damn near shoulder to shoulder to find that one seasoning amongst a wall of a thousand colors and titles. Guess what I did? Instead of staying in a comfortable energy, I seized, moved back against the aisle, allowing him to find his spice. He walked away. Leaving that aisle and continuing my shopping, I never saw him again. After seven aisles, suddenly it was like he was never in the store.
Is this what we are doing with the Energy of Love’s Possibility? Is this what I am doing?
To be clear, I wasn’t interested in the guy- as a matter of fact I was thinking of how I wanted to get home to sit the hell down somewhere. But Spirit showed me a valuable lesson about myself. I am literally skating, dodging, jilting, blinking, walking by Love, and staying in the fucking house. The crazy part is, I want to be in a loving relationship that feels like mine to have and hold- no games, no emotional roulette, no wondering and questioning. This is the love that my main female characters end up finding at the conclusion of my novels- cuz’ happy ending, right? When I sit in the quiet, within myself, I am still convinced that love is included in my story in this 2.0 phase of my life.
I am willing to admit that I am scared shitless of Love.
I am willing to admit that I don’t trust myself to choose correctly anymore.
I am willing to admit that I am not sure that I will be chosen by anyone, given the world’s “baddie” standards.
I am willing to admit that I feel I’ve made too many mistakes in the past to be able to Love again.
I am willing to admit that I’m not sure if Love will give me one more try.
I am not sure if I’ve learned the skills to take care of Love properly to develop, scale, and grow it.
Wheeewww! That felt really good. Let there be light.
As I am defining and finetuning my focus for 2026, I will admit that Love is not on the list this year- and hasn’t been since my last break-up in 2019. However, I know that I do desire to experience love fully again. I have decided to start the breakup of fallow ground in my heart to prime it to open again. Here are 5 small practices that I will mindfully embrace this year:
1. Clear up before stepping out: It is so easy to roll out of bed on any given day in the energy of “I ain’ here for this shit ta’day”. Usually in this state you are ruminating on things of yesterday and yesteryear- I know that’s my story. Find a practice that grounds and clears you before stepping out the door. It does not need to be complicated or long. A 10–30-minute practice can be as easy as centering, prayer to the Divine, mentally setting your intentions for the day, and a short yoga or movement session to get you into your body. Tune into spirit to define what is needed arrive to a cleaned state so that you are not continuing to operate from a hurt output. One of the journals that I love is the Queen of Mindful Miracles. It walks you through a meditative space of gratitude, journaling, and setting your intentions for the day.
2. Put effort in my appearance: Outfit, minimalism make up, and body care: One of the most powerful pieces of advice I’ve received from an elder was to make sure that when I step out, I am dressed. I must admit that I’ve held to this…sometimes. What I’ve learned in the last few years is that if I don’t feel good, I am spreading all kinds of negativity to those around me. I’m grouchy. I’m snapping at customer service who are simply trying to do their jobs. And when all is said and done, it’s not them, it’s me. It’s you. We don’t feel good in ourselves, so we spread it to others around us. Religion has taught to minimize the outer appearance. But a mentor of mine that has since transitioned, taught me it is important to make ourselves attractive- not for an individual, but to the Universe. Put on something that makes you feel good FOR YOU. If a little make-up does it for you, and it does not need to be a full face, then put some on. Hit the gym or put on an exercise YouTube video and move your both. Listen, this is not about trying to get ripped. Movement in the body moves negative energy out of the body and spirit. All of this is about you elevating your energy for YOU. This ain’t “pop out” energy for anyone else but yourself so that you are reverberating in your highest vibration.
3. Practice movement fluidity: Dance: I love African and Orisha dance, and though I have not done it as much as I used to, I have to admit that when I dance something is set free within me. Every single chakra is engaged from root to crown. At hearing song and the beat of the drum, my body moves in a way, mounting into a freedom that is hard to find at the gym. Depending on the meaning and energy of the music, I am able to transform my movements into a prayer, lamentation, manifestation, and gratitude. The amazing thing about African dance and music is that it commemorates and celebrates life triumphs, ebbs, flows, lows, birth, and death. When I need to get back into my body, I go to African dance. There I use my body to pray, supplicate, and praise the Divine and Myself manifested in the Divine.
4. Get out the house and be seen: Chile. There are so many amazing events being hosted in my area. Can I just say that I LOVE THE BRONZEVILLE AREA that I live in! It’s vibing with elevation, culture, Blackness, possibility, potentiality, and greatness. Getting back on topic, do you know how many events I have RSVPed and attended? Zero. Zilch. None. But when I have attended events that I love, there is an energy that vibrates AND attracts when I am in a space and place that I love. I meet strangers. I see, hug, and kiss babies. I have post-dinner conversations with white women. Strangers buy my books on the spot. Men see me, and I ain’t especially that cute that day, screaming “black queen”, not giving a hell who hears or sees them. Women stop me in the store and ask me for fashion advice like I’m their best friend that decided to roll out on a shopping trip. Point being, magic happens. Connections happen. My energy is needed. And when I hide, I am doing God/dess a disservice that wishes to express Itself through me as Me. So get yo’ ass out the house and be seen. Your energy, your verve, your ‘je ne sais quoi’ are unique and needed to elevate the environments around you.
5. Edge gently around my love story: Journaling: The biggest lesson I’ve learned over the last five years is to make room for hearing me. In my age group, we were raised to be “seen and not heard” or, “to do as I say and not as I do.” Both advice is antiquated and very fucked up, but you know, whatever. The only thing that matters here is that you cannot deal with yourself in this way. It is unsustainable, destructive, and emotionally cutting to yourself and spirit. Journaling allows me the space to spread out all that I feel and to give my feelings priority. This is not a hard and forced work. I am not pushing myself into healing. Pushing, forcing, coercing, probing is not love for self. It is punishment. It is necessary to treat yourself as gently as you would a child, and not the way you were raised- the way you wished you were raised. So this means you deal gingerly with yourself. You speak kindly to yourself. You touch space within your own spirit to understand what you are capable of doing and what you don’t have the capacity for. You align energetically to yourself so that you work synergistically WITH yourself and not forcing you into habits, mentalities, and ways of being that you need time to grow into.
If Love is on your docket, whether now or later, what will be your practice to open your heart? Never, ever despise small beginnings. Those seeds lay the unseen flourishes for a future abundantly loving harvest.
Wishing you the bravery to engage Love again,
Jeanetta